Driving Test Number 2

I think I may have forgotten to say I have my second driving test tomorrow at 12:43!

That was the Week that was

I would firstly like to point out that I am no way old enough to remember that programme. I wasn’t even a twinkle when it aired but the title adquately describes last week.

Sunday – The toilet got blocked and leaked.

Monday – The mother in law got stuck in the bath it threw her because she let the water out before trying to get out. So three hours later we found her because the toilet was still blocked. I had to get her out and things like this regardless of my dodgy back are NOT MY DEPARTMENT. A friend after checking Mary was okay, nearly wet herself with hysterical laughter. I had my eyes closed at one point despite the numerous towels round her then decided nightmares were better than A&E if we slipped. I then slaved over three ready meals, and had to parcel Bernard’s up because he had to go home and see the plumber who was working after hours so charged time and a turd! (That one belongs to the plumber’s grandad.)

Plumber left, toilet still blocked. Plumber’s granddad went and got us some ‘Give it One Shot’ while B came back for me. Put ‘Give it One Shot’ down toilet later.

Tuesday – ‘Give it Second Shot’.

The mother in law was going to the doctors anyway with the brother in law. I spent five hours logged on to work and did 3:40 hours because apart from making the contractor a cup of tea I had a ‘couple’ of conversations with mother and brother in law.

In my defence I had no idea that Mary had been asked to provide a wee sample.

First call

Mary: ‘How do I get water in this thing?’ – No hello or anything

Me: ‘Take the lid off, it’s not like the other one’

Mary: ‘But how do I get water in’

Me: ‘Put it under the tap’

Now I can’t remember exactly what Mary said next because the penny was dropping

Me: ‘Do you mean a wee sample? I thought you meant the new kettle!’ Oops

Second call

Mary: ‘Do I use boiling water?’

I don’t know how I didn’t fall off my chair.

Third call

Mary: ‘I can’t go.’

Me: ‘Have you had a cup of tea?’

Mary: ‘No, can I?’

Me: ‘Yes and some breakfast’ – she’d had a fasting blood test

Mary: ‘I need to go today’

Me: ‘I’m sure you will at some point.’

Mary: ‘It needs to go back today’

Further enquiries of doctor’s receptionist and then brother in law revealed it infact did ideally need to go back today. So the pressure was on…

Fourth call

Mary: ‘It’s orange. Is that okay? You know, this thing.’

Me: ‘What?’

Mary: ‘In this pot!’ exasperated.

Me: ‘Oh, yes, well you’ve not had much to drink.’ Penny dropping, we’ll be minted if this carries on.

Mary: ‘What colour’s yours?’

Me: ‘Light straw, I drink a lot of water.’

Mary: ‘Is this alright then’

Me: ‘Yes, it will be fine’

Fifth call

Mary: ‘I’ve kicked the bugger over!’

Me: ‘Well you can do another later’

Mary: ‘I don’t think I’ll bother. It’s not worth it.’ – Huge ‘I’m old what’s the point moment’

Me: ‘Would you like to stay with me tonight’

Mary: ‘Yes… but will he not mind’ – Oh, you mean your baby

Me: ‘No, Mary it’s fine, Bernard will be at work anyway’

Mary: ‘Okay, I’ll go and clear this up’

Sudden realisation that the toilet is still blocked – go and ‘Give it Third Shot’.

Sixth call

Mary: ‘I’ve not been yet’

Me: ‘Have another cup of tea. I’ll ring you in an hour. By the way would you prefer it if I stayed at yours?’

Mary: ‘No, the change will do me good.’

‘Give it Fourth Shot’ – Thinking of suing for false advertising

Seventh call – Okay so it was ten minutes after I should have rung –

Me: ‘Sorry, I was getting Bernard’s lunch’ (It’s okay if I’m doing something for B because that’s what I’m supposed to do being a fluffy female. ‘I was getting paving flags up with a crow bar and breaking them with a sledgehammer’ – ‘Did you not get his tea after that?’ – Actually at the time I did.)

Mary: ‘I’ve been!’

Toilet STILL blocked and we’re out of Shots!

Bernard was going to his mum’s to use the toilet, take wee to doctors and tell her she couldn’t spend night at ours but she agreed I could go there.

I used neighbour’s toilet and went to Blood Support Group Meeting. Came home. Got lift off brother in law to mother in law’s. There before nine. Catered to her every whim.

Went to bed about 12 and Mary managed to go to the toilet in the night about 50 times. Okay I exaggerate, slightly. I myself went once and then went and took some painkillers because my back was giving me a bit of gip – maybe different bed and lifting her on Monday and when I went back upstairs about half an hour later she nearly bowled me over going to the toilet as she’d been waiting because she thought I was in bathroom. And every time she got back in bed I had to pull the cover up – somehow she manages when there’s no-one else there. Little old lady act?

Wednesday – Bernard picked me up at 7:00 and Mary stayed in bed. She says she’s normally up at 6 ish!

Tried to get some work done but seemed to take forever.

Tea’d contractor.

Gave toilet whole new bottle of ‘Give it One Shot’. Manufacturer obviously can’t count.

Auntie En phoned to say x-ray showed collapsed vertebra and myeloma scan on blood test. (Still waiting for results of this.)

Phone calls from two friends and Auntie Ann re driving test.

Thursday – Awake at 4:30. Leave message for Blood Nurse re Auntie En’s news, go back to bed.

Up at 7:30. Bernard politely reminded me that I hadn’t transferred money to pay contractor. Locked myself out of internet banking service in rush to prove I wasn’t inept. Used neighbour’s toilet. Went to fail driving test dramatically.

Acupuncturist.

Lunch with friend.

Train to another friend’s (yes I’ve got two), trip to supermarket (oh, the excitement), tea at Chris’s.

So I was out from 8:20 to 22:30. I don’t know what Bernard means that he didn’t see me last week.

Friday – Few hours work.

Few hours Blood Clinic.

Contractor finished drive.

Drainage contractor turned up to clear toilet blockage.

This week… well I’ve been BORED!

Driving Test

I have my driving test at 9:17, my driving instructor is picking me up at 8:20ish, it’s currently 7:48. With the week we’ve had I haven’t had time to worry too much about it. I had to get my mother in law about of the bath where she had been stuck for three hours, subsequent water sample excitement, haematology support group meeting, sleepover at mother in law’s and continuing adventures with blocked toilet.

I now need to finish breakfast, get dressed (haven’t done yet in case I spilled breakfast), transfer money to pay for new driveway and go to neighbour’s to use toilet. But this has reconfirmed my conviction that the MM isn’t going to get me because I am going to have a heart attack this morning!

Mock Driving Test

I went on my driving lesson yesterday and we did a mock driving test. I failed. After we’d got back to the test centre, Dave my instructor, said ‘Well I think you know you failed. You did things that I’ve never seen you do before! And I did, I’d driven off from a junction in second gear TWICE!. I still would have passed regardless of all this but then I took what seemed like half an hour to move onto a dual carriageway and this was a serious fault as a van moved alongside us, got tired of waiting and went before us. I have another lesson tomorrow. My test is 11 Feb at 9:17! And if… I mean when I pass, I need a note from the examiner and Dave saying I can drive our car.

Too Cold for Fruit

I awoke this morning to the melodious clang of a spade on flags. I thought it must be our next door neighbour who believes, like me but with different things, that the devil makes work for idle hands. But no… it was my husband deciding that 6:45 was a good time to clear the drive around the car. I opened the window and graciously enquired what he was doing with worryingly scant regard that any passing neighbours would be able to view me in my pyjama top and Garfield knickers. (This also being the professional image I’d like to portray for my etsy shop!) I do get dressed before I ‘go to work’.

I tai chi’ed this morning with David Carradine who was looking remarkably well all things considered. It made a change from yoga and I surprised myself with my range of motion but didn’t push it.

Yesterday I sorted by fabric stash, I mean collection and wondered why on earth I’d bought some of them but had a good time finding things I’d forgotten about – I’m going to do some raw silk and organic cotton hearts for valentines. I threw some things away, tending to keep all leftover fabric when I make something ‘Just in case’. Some of these were smaller than the things in my scrap box. But in view of that and what moved location I still don’t seem to have gained a lot of space. I have yet to sort my haberdashery type items, beads, ribbons, etc.

I found my giant bead loom, I don’t think I’ve every loomed anything on it. I also bought a small one at the same time because obviously you need both two and did a little necklace which I wore once to a fancy dress party. They have both been a sound investment.

But maybe not today as today’s schedule has been ring my ISP and confuse them by asking if they do mobile broadband and being passed to technical support by sales and told that if my computer wasn’t connected by a wire to the router I could use it anywhere in the house! I explained that I wanted to use it outside the house and by this I didn’t mean the garden. Further advice had to be sought and the answer was no. I then spend half an hour on the phone with my mobile provider and now, hopefully, have it for 2 months and my dongle is being delivered tomorrow.

The other things I ‘need’ to do are

* Finish jumper pattern and most of jumper
* Make nosebands for donkeys (not mine)
* Finish/knit mitten pattern
* Make hearts
* Find material (which should now be easy) and make pair of trousers to wear tomorrow
* Learn show and tell items for driving test on Thurs weather permitting

I might do a To Do List everyday then I feel the need to complete it.

I also need to eat more fruit because it’s good for me. But it’s too cold for fruit. It’s hot chocolate and cake weather. Which made me think how come people who live with cold and snow all the time aren’t obese, what’s their secret? On Saturday I smoothied summer berries and mango with protein powder in a fruit eating effort. Then when I couldn’t finish it all do you know what I did? I froze it. I ate it yesterday and had a kind of body freeze after. No I can’t find the logic in that either. As they say here ‘There’s nowt as queer as folk!.

Let It Snow

Snow, glorious snow!

I had my driving lesson cancelled because of the snow. I missed last week’s because of a cough that kept me up most of the night and I have my test next week. Oh, crap!

BUT the snow is something else. I had a Relaxation Yoga class but there were no buses. Well, the bus website said there were buses but they were delayed but they lied there were no buses that I saw. I did however get to walk a mile and a bit in the snow and it was GREAT! When I rang the hospital to say I wouldn’t be attending they said it was cancelled but the teacher had been unable to get hold of one of the attendees possibly me because I was out in the snow. I did think about walking into town but I had been ‘instructed’ not to go by my other half and if I did there was no way he was picking me up so I didn’t want to be marooned at the hospital – this was the genuine reason I wasn’t being good and following orders! How dare you even consider this.

So I came home played a few games on the computer and finished a scarf to sell on etsy. A scarf I just love. One of those things you do that is so simple but turns out to be just gorgeous and an appropriate snowy colour.

Hubby is currently out clearing the drive – he is such a spoil sport. He is going to attempt to get into work later. He is renda, rendeou… meeting (couldn’t spell rendezvousing) with a work mate, don’t know who is wearing the carnation, and they are going to give it a whirl. Must make sure he leaves with a hot water bottle, thermos of coffee, blanket, flares and some sort of entertainment but not the laptop or mobile so that he can’t phone me at three in the morning to say he is still stuck in snow.

Better go and get tea and pack supplies for his epic trip. I mean it’s all of 2″ maybe 2 1/5″.

Theory Test

Picture it – cold grey morning – theory test at 8:30 with requirement to turn up at 8:15. Husband gives me lift into town and parks outside near to where he thought I was going and short walk from where I knew I have going.

At 8:08 approx

Him: ‘Are you getting out?’

Me: ‘Aren’t you going to drop me off?’

Him: ‘Yes, I’ll drive the 20 feet to the door’

Me: ‘It’s not here it’s the place on the corner but its okay the WALK will do me good.’

Him: ‘Ok then.’

Get out of car and start walking. The car goes past

Him: ‘I could have dropped you off at the bus stop.’

Me: ‘You could have dropped me off right outside the front door if you’d thought about it’

No really – Me: ‘The walk will do me good.’

So I arrive at the test centre and go in and suddenly think it’s not the right place – OH DEAR (well thoughts to that effect). There’s no signs saying Test Centre, there’s someone going through the door inside but I don’t shout to them I think its shock. I nearly walk into someone on the way out
‘Where’s the Test Centre?’. They don’t know. Not panicking, yet! Walk to the Town Hall, its shut!

Accost a couple walking past with council badges dangling from their necks – ‘Where’s Gregson House’.

‘It’s that building over there’ (WHERE I STARTED FROM) ‘it’s the JobCentre Plus’ – Plus what – the Theory Test Centre??????????????

Walked across the car park, fumbling mobile out of pocket and dialling 118118 – who then put me through (bugger the expense by this time). Automated service – I just want a person to tell me where the test centre is, is that too much to ask? Obviously. Hover in the middle of this huge car park, should I walk further or should I stop in case it’s the other way? Decisions, decisions. How am I going to say – No I didn’t pass because I didn’t take it because I didn’t know where I was going!

Nearly back to the JobCentre by now – thinking why I am going this way it’s not in there.

Turn round and march back across the car park. Accost yet another pedestrian who doesn’t know where it is but her son has just passed so she feels she should know. Well good for him and no brownie points for her! Why don’t I try the Town Hall? Why didn’t I think of that!!!!!

Panic is now setting in. Back to the Town Hall still closed. It’s now getting on for 8:22 even though I feel like I’ve been walking for hours – it’s the well known panic time warp.

Town Hall still CLOSED. Where’s my Council Tax going?

Try the next building. Fortunately there’s a security guard, possibly he’s not very big and not very secure looking, BUT who cares because after explaining that the offices only open at 9:00 he is able to tell me where to go – what I mean there is he tells me where the test centre is not $@*# off we’re closed.

I rush (can’t really run due to back problem) across the Town Hall square, across the pelican crossing after briefly checking for buses bearing down on me only briefly because by this time 8:25 the sympathy from getting hit by a bus would overshadow the fact that I didn’t know where I was going.

Into the 6th building I’d been to – see Theory Test Centre in the foyer – rush to the door to the lifts – it’s locked – what the $@*#!!!!!!

Nice security guard rushing round the corner behind me

Him: ‘Test Centre luv?’

Me: ‘Yes, I went to the wrong building’ (he doesn’t need to know how many wrong buildings.

Him: ‘It happens – take the lift and calm down.’

Get to the Test Centre offices – nice lady takes my licence off me – gives me a key to a locker for my stuff so I don’t cheat and something to read quickly as I’m only just in time. I have little idea what it said but on the basis that I wasn’t agreeing to electric shocks every time I got an answer wrong or missed a hazard I signed anyway.

Did the theory bit – very confident – but we all know that this can lead to a glaringly obvious balls up later.

Then settled down for the Hazard Perception bit – quite relaxed by now because I was going to fail – I couldn’t spot a heavily laden 30 foot trailer bearing down on my side of the road in time to click the mouse and get five points.

I got up from my chair before a lot of the others, walked out collected my things and my letter saying I’d failed the hazard perception and the number to let me out of the door downstairs. No doubt in my mind. Didn’t open it until I was in the lift, didn’t want to have hysterics in front public. ‘Congratulations, you have passed’. What, is this mine, yes it’s got my name at the top, does it just mean the Theory bit? Look at the scores for the hazards, there’s no way they add up to 44.

Got out of the lift, went to the first door, it’s the stairs, second door is some short of fire escape/cupboard, third door has a key pad, bit of a clue as I have a number. Manage to get back into the foyer – security guard coming out of his office – possibly because there’s CCTV everywhere and I’d been trying doors like a loon.

Him: ‘From the smile I take it you passed.’

Me: ‘Well, the letter says congratulations you’ve passed, but I don’t think I passed the hazard bit.’

Him: ‘I think there’s a bit of a clue in the Congratulations you’ve passed bit!’ And probably thinking ‘She could be on the road soon!!!!!’

Took it to a coffee shop and sat down, after ordering a Mocha, ‘cos apparently they don’t like you going in for a warm sit down without buying something! Looked at it properly and it clearly said ‘Congratulations you have passed’ but seeking yet more confirmation I read further and it clearly stated lower down 50 out of 50 for the theory element (yes, I know Smart Arse) and 50 out of 75 for the Hazard Perception and to cap it all suggested that I might like to ask my instructor for further information on Hazard Perception – my computer must have been talking!!!!!!!!! Wait till I get home.