We multi-tasked and combined Buddy’s walk with the trip to the cemetery as it was my Dad’s anniversary. I tell you this purely for the sympathy vote, and to point out that I really don’t need to hear about my father in law’s heart attack for the 5,000th time on that of all days. (My Dad had a coronary artery thrombosis during the night and we found him when he didn’t turn up for lunch – he would have paid to go that way.) No, really I tell you this to explain why we were walking through the cemetery where we came across two rather large ball-shaped shrubs at the end of one of the paths with a covering of snow that made them look like Christmas puds AND someone had strategically positioned a red something (carrier bag, flower paper) on top of one so it really did look like a pudding (unfortunately I hadn’t taken my camera).
After we got home B phoned the m-i-l up at 13:15 to say he was on his way and she informed him that she’d had a bowl of soup to put her on! She’d had lunch! Bearing in mind that she takes every opportunity when faced with a plate of food to state that she doesn’t eat a lot (yeah right – tell that to her empty tin of Roses – chocolates). This was when I very nearly lost it but thought ‘What the heck, even if she hadn’t had lunch she’d have complained I’d given her too much’.
She pointed out that last year, we’d only had lunch late. Yes, because the beef wasn’t done enough for her and took forevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvver to cook and then she didn’t eat it and complained that the veg was cold whilst shovelling it down like it was going to do a runner and therefore she had lunched this year because obviously she would pass out if she had to go another hour without food. However this year I’d done stew, basically because I would have needed B to peel the potatoes due to my wrist, and I couldn’t have coped with getting him up at 04:30 so that they were done in time.
So the m-i-l was most put out that she went straight to the table rather than got to complain about how late lunch was (although she did manage to do that at Gill’s on Christmas Day). And obviously complained there was too much. Then we had pudding (fruit slump which said it didn’t store well) so there was too much. After complaining about this and B refusing to take any off her and being told 55 times to just leave what she didn’t want I went on a trip to the kitchen, which is all of six feet away, where I heard the m-i-l say to B ‘Will she have some of this?’ and came back through the door to find her indicating that she meant my Auntie Ann by waving her spoon in that general direction.
Never the one to miss an opportunity to moan the m-i-l declared to my Auntie Ann that the problem was her legs. Now I having gone beyond the smile and nod stage said ‘Are you doing the exercises the physio showed you?’ The physio that back in September it took me about 10 phone calls to sort out and included a load of equipment being provided which she agreed on and then insisted on all but one zimmer frame going back!
M-i-l: ‘Occassionally, but they don’t work.’
Me: ‘That’s because you have to do them three times a day.’
M-i-l: ‘Oh!’ With a look that said ‘Thank you for interrupting my moan’.
All through lunch the m-i-l kept saying how cold her hands were. Now this is not unusual and she has on more than one occasion been known to grab the hand of the person closest, in this case mine, without prior warning and say ‘Feel how cold my hands are!’ Several times with me this has backfired as my hands were colder and this has reduced her to a sullen state. So I have to say I paid her no mind and carried on eating and it was only when B made sure she got upstairs okay and asked whether the heating was on that I remembered I had set it on timed on Christmas Day to accommodate going to Auntie Ann’s. Doh.
So after I crazily confessed the m-i-l ended up on the settee huddled under a throw (I burnt it the day after – no not really but I did wash it).
Tomorrow I’ll share how the m-i-l provided a lovely warm welcome for our next door neighbour and his lady friend – okay we ALL know that’s not gonna happen. She refused to sit at the table with us and caused Bud to lunge viciously at Ben. Now I’m gonna take a little kip as I think my temp is spiking because I’m struggling to keep my eyes open! Whatcha mean it’s too much of the easy life and getting waited on hand and foot that I now need an afternoon snooze?
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