It’s my blog and I’ll whinge if I want to!

My first thought on waking this morning, well it was barely morning – it was barely light, wasn’t ‘Hey Happy Birthday to me.’ it was about the m-i-l.  Well actually my very first thought was ‘Ahh cramp in my left calf.  Stretch it!’ followed by ‘Ahh, cramp in a thigh muscle I have no idea how to stretch.’ Both cramps were minor and I’m pretty sure the Velcade side effects list mentioned cramps.  (Yes it does along with painful limbs – mmm, not too sure what that entails.) I have tonic water in the fridge.

Anyhow you better look away now and come back tomorrow if you don’t want to read a MAJOR whinge – exacerbated by the fact I got up at 06:55 as I couldn’t go back to sleep.  (I have got an apple crumble in the oven currently as I needed to do something even though I felt slightly queasy.)

I see my Auntie Ann about once a week.  I see my Auntie Eleanor less frequently than that.  I see both of them because I like spending time with them irrespective of there always being some sort of cake/treat involved from both of them. (Lovingly homemade by Auntie Eleanor, lovingly bought from M&S in the case of Auntie Ann).  My Auntie Eleanor is slightly older than the m-i-l at 84 and when I was in the Royal she came to see me twice – a 12 mile one way trip on the bus and she gets travel sick.  She had to be talked into accepting a lift home from B and then Auntie Ann because she doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone.

Whereas although I went to the m-i-l’s and did stuff for her it wasn’t because I wanted to or I liked doing it it was because she’s B’s mum and some sense of duty.

I don’t mind how many times B goes to this mother’s or what he does for her but I don’t want to be involved.  From friends I know this happens in lots of households, the husband deals with his mother.  In an ideal world I would have a mother in law that I wanted to spend time with, that was pleasant to be around, that wasn’t so demanding but obviously we don’t live in an ideal world.

After the m-i-l tried to finish me off in August I said to B that ‘If the only way I didn’t have to see his mother was to leave him I would.  This sounds really dramatic now but at the time it totally summed up how I felt, although I did have to tell him twice!  I still made about 10 phone calls to get the physiotherapist out to her and bit my tongue when all but one thing they subsequently delivered went back.  And I shouldn’t get started on the fact that she won’t do the exercises that the physio gave her.

As we know she never goes anywhere or sees anyone (even when she does) but has been offered numerous clubs that she could go to during the day.  Cooking is an effort but neither her or B’s brother thought that the hot meals subsidised by the company she use to work or having them delivered frozen on a weekly basis, which would have cut down on the shopping that he does, were a good idea.  The subsidised lawn cutting and a cleaner were non starters too, although she does now have a cleaner and finally agreed to the subsidised hairdresser.    She doesn’t now go out of the house on her own, even though she was offered a ramp in place of the steps in front of the house, so she could use a walking frame with wheels, she didn’t want one.  It frustrates me that she’s been offered a lot of assistance but doesn’t want it yet has asked if we’d like to live there and presumably wait on her hand and foot.

If squeamish you may want to look away now

She’s not had a bath for 12 months because she wouldn’t use the bath seat that was provided after she got stuck in the bath – so really that can’t be good can it and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t wash her hands with soap after going to the bathroom.  Just the sort of company you need with a compromised immune system.

Squeamish bit over so you can look back now if you looked away

And the one thing that drives me completely crazy is when she says ‘I wish I was dead’.  I got to the point where I couldn’t hide my annoyance and we had the following conversation after me telling her that I didn’t like it when she said that.

m-i-l:  ‘I wish I was…’

Me:   ‘What, Mary?’

m-i-l:  ‘Have I vexed you?’

Me:  ‘You know I don’t like you saying that.’

m-i-l:  ‘It’s just a saying.  Lots of people say it.’

Me:  ‘No, they don’t.’

m-i-l:  ‘Don’t you ever say it.’

Me:  ‘Considering what’s wrong with me, no, I never say it.’

And now I need to go check on my apple crumble – having taken an anti sickness tablet I may even have some for breakfast it might perk me up.


8 responses to “It’s my blog and I’ll whinge if I want to!

  1. Somebody got out of bed the wrong side this morning. Better than the wrong bed though. Not that it has ever happened to me…. 😉
    Funnily enough Mike woke up in EXACTLY the same mood, so I’ve been up since 6:05, yes 50 minutes earlier than you……

    What time does your post arrive? All the sacks of cards will cheer you up.

  2. First of all, Happy Birthday!! Hope you don’t think about your m-i-l all day – that would be a real shame!

    And yes, you’re allowed to whinge. If your m-i-l said she wanted to be dead, I might be tempted to respond “It can be arranged”. She sounds as if she likes the attention that comes by being fractious , needy and a downright pain in the proverbial. It’s hard to do, but ignoring her and taking care of yourselves sounds like the only plan.

    Now apple crumble sounds fab … haven’t made one of those in a while. Enjoy!

  3. Happy Birthday Paula your day can only get better You are definitely allowed a major whinge with a m-i-l like that , I have an aunt -in -law who is very similiar so I do know how mad it drives you !! I try not to compare her to my mum who lay on the floor for hours rather than bother anyone to help her up after a fall!! Off now to make a lemon drizzle cake x

  4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAULA!!!! I hope you can use a magic eraser and wipe all this outlaw stuff away and enjoy your special day. I must say this post
    made me break into a cold sweat when moving in with B’s mum was mentioned. I hope that B is with you on all this. That’s all that matters.
    Hope you have a beautiful day doing just what YOU want to do. Now, I think I’ll find me an apple crumble recipe and make one myself since your post has my mouth watering for that.
    Celebrating with you today from across the pond!!!

  5. frank Driscol


    Here’s wishing you a peaceful birthday. It’s always amazed me how the most generous, thoughtful people are those tested most cravenly by the universe. I thank the stars that I have led a wicked, selfish life. Nobody bothers me….

    You have quite an army behind you, in spirit mostly just now, but if you hatched a plan to take over a small country, or decided to march into hell to square away the devil, a lot of us would ‘ fall in’ and fight at your side. Buddy would need custom designed armor, of course.

    I’m sitting just now in the Boston Athanaeum, a private library on the top of what is called Beacon Hill, not far from the harbor where that famous tea party took place. It’s my favorite place to write because they have stacks and stacks of old books with antique work tables squeezed into the nooks and crannies between. Somehow, the chairs are comfortable and I can get lost in here for hours.

    It’s a brilliantly sunny, bitter cold day in Boston. So I decided to ride my bicycle this morning. Proteins are percolating a bit and that reminds me to feel everything possible including the icy wind in my face as I peddle hard through the traffic, brain freeze headache, runny nose and all. The hard part of course is the trip home, less motivated than I was this morning to challenge the cold and the cars.

    Geez, as we say in America, I’m rambling like an old man. Then again I guess I am an old man.

    Blessings Paula,

  6. This sounds a little more like my mother than my m-i-l. “HelpmeHelpmeHelpme —- No, I can do it on my own.”


  7. Drat… I didn’t know it was a Celebratory Birth-day and you making your own Apple Crumble as well. I have made a fresh fruit salad for you, but haven’t figgered out how to sent it by post from South America.
    I’m with Fiona on the “arrangements” for the M-I-L… will they ship curari to you? a wee drop in her tea would do the trick, but with your luck with her she would be likely to refuse to drink it, just because she can.
    Taking care of you and B and Buddy is enough for your plate of responsibilities, so let B’s bro have the fun for awhile… I’m intending!

  8. Okay, er, that “she-hasn’t-had-a-bath-for-12-months” bit did it for me. No, wait…it was the “she-doesn’t-wash-her-hands-with-soap-after-going-to-the-bathroom” bit. Well, ok, BOTH BITS…
    Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!! Grossssss! She should be taken into her yard and hosed down! 😉
    Seriously now, I hope your Bday turned into a very relaxing wonderful one, with prezzies and chocolate cake (bdays are synonymous with choc cake in my book!).
    Auguroni and all the best in the world, Paula!!!! 🙂

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