Off we toddled today to the Royal for cycle 2 of Velcade and Doxorubicin. I remembered to wear trousers, that’s not to say I went without them last time of course, but that we had the incident with the bum bag full of Doxorubicin stuck up my dress. This time I thought it looked hardly noticeable tucked under my T-shirt until we had lunch in a restaurant that had a full length mirror in the toilets and it seemed to stick out like a sore thumb. B advised me it didn’t plus of course people wouldn’t know what was in it so any mugger would have been in for a surprise.
I opted to crochet while we were at the Royal and started on the February patterns for the mystery blanket. The beads were quite hard to photograph, hence the listing angle, I’m tired but not yet so tired I’m keeling over.
I have to say I liked crocheting the beads in. It was so easy. I once knitted a cardigan as a birthday present for a friend, fortunately she loved it, and that had beads knitted in – which was not as easy as the crocheting of beads.
So all in all not a bad day until just when I’ve been the cause of Bernard’s brother putting the phone down on him. I answered the phone and was asked in more detail than usual as to how I was doing little realising this was pre-emptive of his conversation with B.
Apparently B should do more for their Mum and it would be nice if she came round to ours for her tea sometimes. B said no on the basis that this wasn’t agreeable with me. He then went on to say how we did a lot for her after his Dad died but that in the end I’d given him the ultimatum that it was either his Mum or me – at some point B’s brother had put the phone down.
I feel guilty even though B has told me not to and I know that I just couldn’t cope with having her in the house. It’s not often that I cry and she managed to reduce me not only to tears twice last year but to near hysterics.
And yes I have felt remarkably well the past week and a half but I’ve been able to take things at my own pace without being under pressure to do anything at all if I didn’t want to. B probably wouldn’t have been thrilled at getting his own tea every night but would have done it if he had to, is more than happy to walk Bud if I don’t even after doing the shopping, the hoovering and cleaning the bathroom (even though apparently the shower enclosure is not in the same space/time continuum at the point in which he cleans the rest).
The bottom line is I just couldn’t cope with the m-i-l being in the same postcode as me, let alone house, on a regular basis especially since she could give lessons in being relentless to the shape shifting terminator from T2 so why do I still feel guilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am loving your knitted bead work… I so wish I could knit… but then again when would I have the time…lol…..sending happy wishes your way…
love the bum bag story….and your sense of humor… my dad liked to just let it sit out… thougth it was funny…..
I wouldn’t feel guilty x 😉
I do not know why you feel guilty… perhaps it is because you are basically a sensitive, caring individual and wouldn’t want to say or do anything to hurt someone’s feelings, which is more than your MIL is. I haven’t heard her offer to take you to tea someplace, or even buy her own birthday cards for her son, so park the guilt machine someplace and as we say in New Yawk…”fuggetaboutit.” Oh, and PS, when was the last time the BIL spent time doing for his mum?
That mystery blanket is beautiful. It made my cat purr.
Oh please P, DON’T feel guilty. Listen, you have the right to protect yourself from this kind of stress and negativity. You are coping with a lot right now and NOBODY could blame you for not wanting to deal with someone who drives you to tears. Your brother-in-law was out of line with this request and it was done for solely selfish reasons on his part. You don’t owe anyone anything that would rob you of your peace of mind and happiness. There are just some outlaws that cause nothing but grief, and there is a long list of us out here that have had to limit our exposure to ours for quality of life reasons. I’m sure we all wish we had loving, supportive in-laws but sometimes you just don’t hit that lottery so you do what you have to do to save your sanity. ( or in my case, what’s left of it) I’m with ya on this 100%.
Paula, Of all those connected to your blog, there is not one who can understand how you could possibly feel guilty. As you are one sharing this dilemma, the fact as stated isn’t much help.
I have finally, in my 62nd year, learned that the most annoying character flaw endemic to we men, is our propensity to ‘solve’ everything. So, I admit I have no idea how one fighting the battle you are in the midst of, should feel anything but the need to focus intently on vanquishing the invader within. Yet the guilt stands there like an uninvited guest at a gathering of your most intimate friends.
Though I have not a solution, may I offer a quick little old testament phrase, given to me by a Buddhist monk, as a way to ground myself in times of stress, like during the monthly clinic visit for Zometa and blood work. Mind you, I am not at all religious, and I’m embarrassed that I ask God’s backup only when I’m shamelessly frightened, but if He is as good as they say, He probably doesn’t mind so much.
In Thic Nhat Hanh’s writing, I picked up the following phrase, I imagine from Genesis where God kind of leans down and says to certain panicked mortals, ” Be still, and know that I am God.” If I have mentioned this to you before, forgive me, but it really works, and I’m 62 and have a terrible memory. But this is so cool that I hope, and I think I’m beginning to believe, that there really is God. And he sits ‘up’ there and says, ‘relax, I’m bigger than you so lay it on me and I’ll handle it for you.’ I have no idea why it works for me, but if you choose to try it I hope it helps you find a little more room in your own soul for yourself, space that is just for you, the rest be darned!
Blessings Paula……. Frank
Add me to the list of those who say you shouldn’t feel guilty … but I know that doesn’t really help you at all, does it? You feel what you feel. You’re fighting a battle here and the m-i-l would definitely be an obstacle to your succcess. Stick to your guns, Paula. And big kudos to B for standing up to his brother!
Oh boy, can I identify with the guilt business…! My story is too long to tell here…Let me just mention that right now Ste and I are in the midst of an incredibly stressful period with my ILs, which means that I see them only rarely now…And, like you, I feel really guilty about that, sometimes. But my sister calls it “self preservation.”
As others have said, you are going through a real rough spot…And, instead of making things worse, your BIL should be doing the shopping for you, cooking meals and whatnot. What an insensitive, humungous jerk he is! (Sorry.)
The stress hormone makes myeloma cells proliferate. And that is the main reason why we must protect ourselves from the uncaring egocentric arrogant whiny annoying (etc.) people that surround us…I am trying to do that on this end, as hard as it is…
Self-preservation is the way to go…Let go of the guilt…My sister is right!
You feel guilty because you are a nice person and don’t want to think you have hurt anyone even though you know that letting said person near you would be bad for your health!! You need to do what is best for you 🙂
On a more positive note, i totally love your bead work…i still can’t crochet I have no clue why i am finding it so incredibly difficult :-S 😛
I suggest your BIL invites his mother to live with him. That should sort him out. And her. Don’t you dare feel guilty! You have to take care of your sanity!
you know, i’ve never tried to crochet or knit beads. i think i’ll start with crochet though, given your experience here.