Two weeks ago, on the Tuesday, the m-i-l rang and I ignored it. I listened to the message to make sure she hadn’t fallen and couldn’t get up. Then the m-i-l rang again and yet again I ignored it but again listened to the message. And then the third time – this was all in the space of about an hour and a half – so quite spread out really for when she wants something – I answered it.
M-i-l: ‘I’ve phoned twice!’
Me: ‘Oh yeah.’
M-i-l: ‘Have you been out?’
Me: ‘No.’
M-i-l: ‘I don’t understand what you’re saying.’
Me: ‘I’m saying that I haven’t been out and yet, due to the wonders of caller display, I didn’t pick up the receiver and say ‘ello.’ Well you and I both know I didn’t really say that I just thunk it, and as it happened I didn’t get chance because the m-i-l didn’t pause for breath and carried on…
M-i-l: ‘I need some Voltarol.’ (anti-inflammatory pain cream)
Me: ‘Don’t you get that on prescription?’
M-i-l: ‘What do you mean?’
Me: ‘You get it from the doctor.’
M-i-l: ‘Oh, no!’ Now I know full well that she has indeed in the past had a huge tube on prescription because I saw a dispensing label on it and I’m sure you would need a second mortgage to buy a tube that size without a prescription.
Me: `Well’ and bear in mind this was the Tuesday after the stomach bug weekend so I couldn’t really be ar… fussed ‘could No 1 Son not pick it up for you with your shopping?’
M-i- l: ‘Oh, yeah.’
Pause
M-i-l: ‘Actually, I wasn’t ringing you for that.’ I had to admit I thought she was ringing to instruct me to get her a birthday card for B. ‘I need a birthday card for Bernard.’ Woman’s institution still working then.
Me: ‘Okay.’
Well with one thing and another I haven’t really been in a position to get one from either of us, without a significant effort which I didn’t feel like making, until yesterday.
So I bought our cards and decided the simplest way to get the m-i-l’s the four miles from ours to hers was to post it! Look some things are better left to the postman – he gets paid for it.
I popped a note and the card in an envelope and sent B and Bud off to the post box on the way to their usual walk.
Now I knew this wasn’t gonna be straightforward and fully expected at least one of the following…
The m-i-l to ring and say that she has got her cleaner to get the card when she goes for her a pie!!!!!!
The m-i-l to ring and say she had had a note through the door saying they couldn’t get something through the letterbox
The m-i-l to ring and say £1.69 (I left the price sticker on and it’s not like I included a SAE and remittance advice) was too much for the card and if she had gone for one herself she would have gone to the cheaper card shop
The m-i-l to ring and ask how was B gonna get the card
What I didn’t anticipate was a stumble at the first hurdle. Ten minutes, if that, after setting out I heard B and Bud return. Thinking something dire must have happened I whizzed downstairs.
B: ‘It wouldn’t fit in the post box.’
Now to be fair the post box in question is set in someone’s garden wall and does have a small slot however with some skill and manipulation its surprising what you can get in.
Me: ‘The card doesn’t fill the whole envelope, fold it over and then if it wedges, stick your hand in and give it a tap.’ I am always a little dubious about this I must admit, since I read about someone sticking their hand in a post box that had some short of anti-take back your post device and they and the post box got to know each other quite well over the course of the next five hours.
B: ‘But…’
Me: ‘It will fit. I used to post survey reports in there, you just have to be creative.’
B: ‘But…’
Me: ‘IT WILL FIT!’
So now I just have to wait for the phone call from the m-i-l when she gets back from her Wednesday club – I’m betting it’s going to be…
M-i-l: ‘Whose Birthday is it?’
Me: ‘Bernard’s.’
M-i-l: ‘When is it?’
Me: ‘Tomorrow.’
M-i-l: ‘Oh, yeah! I need a card.’
Feresaknit's Blog 
Like mother like son? Sorry I couldn’t help it. Mike now has to clean the carpet.
I fell for it. I actually thought you said what you said you said but didn’t say in the end…
I look forward to reading Part II of this post…;-)
Nooooooooooooooooooooo!
She’s making my mother-in-law sound like a complete angel! I’ll stop complaining about her right away!! (Please remind me I said that in a few months time when I’m cursing her!!)
I hope B is worth his weight in gold what with all you have to put up with from his mum!!
Ha! Loved this. You had me going there with the “I used the caller display” bit. I thought, “OH NO she said WWWHHHHAAAAATTTTTT!!” Last night, Tim’s dad stopped by to pick something up for
my m-i-l(who only calls when she needs something too). On the way home,he stopped by our rental, around the corner, to see Tim, who was shovelling the driveway there. He walked up to Tim and said “Happy Birthday, I love ya, ya know.” Now this was HUGE as my father-in-law is not the mushy type be a LONGSHOT and I don’t know when, if ever, he has ever told Tim he loved him. Probably would have made an even bigger impact if he didn’t have the wrong day! It’s on the 3rd, not the 1st.
Still huge and very sweet of the big lug. Caught Tim completely off guard.
Happy Birthday B!!!!!!!
These M-I-L post keep us all intrigued and does she every read your blog LOL!
Glad to know you have revived a lot and hope it continues!
Hah! Loved this post, Paula.
Well, isn’t that something, both our men being born on the same day. NO WONDER they have similar personalities(re: their cars). Wish y’all could come for dinner tonight. I’m no “barefoot contessa” but I’m making lasagna and chocolate mousse parfaits for dessert. You could even bring Bud. Around here, they call doggie play dates “yappy hour”. Tim would probably feel compelled to bubble wrap all our door jambs but that’s OK.
Speaking of bubble wrap, is that anything like kilts? ’cause I was a bit concerned about whether Sean has anything on under that “safety suit” of his!!! ;o) Cheers and birthday blessings to both our boys!
Big Birthday Bleats, B!!!! And I am grateful your MIL is yours….