This is what my husband said to me this morning at approximately 7:40.
B was standing in the kitchen with the newspaper open on the worktop at, funnily enough, Page 3. I asked him to move whilst I got my tablets out of the cupboard.
B: ‘She’s one ‘ell of a girl.’
Me: ‘What’s her name, how old is she and where does she come from?’ Expecting instant recall – it takes him 0.3 milliseconds to process and memorise this sort of information and over a week to recall and carry out my instruction for him to throw away the wilted flowers in the porch despite several reminders.
B: ‘I just gave you her name.’
Me: ‘Oh yeah!’ Elle
B: ‘Herefordshire! 18?’
Me: ‘Close 19.’ This just confirms my previous thoughts that if I really want B to remember something that instead of telling him I should write it on page 3. However this would be time critical – it needs to be done more or less as soon as he gets the paper – because once he’s checked out page 3 it’s then onto the sport and later the rest of the ‘news’ only encountering page 3 again briefly on his way to the ‘news’. I know this because I once drew a bra in black marker pen on the buxom beauty on page 3 and he didn’t notice straight away!
Whilst reading the information I was astounded by the girl’s comments in her ‘News in Briefs’, which provided information on the side effects of hyaluronic acid when used as a lip plumper and included words such as ‘suspected’ and ‘extracellular matrix’. I read this out to B.
Whilst getting my breakfast I regaled B with details of how organ transplant in AL amyloidosis results in new amyloid deposits recurring in the new organ.
B: ‘You should have have been a page 3 girl.’
What? That wasn’t the sort of scene you anticipated that resulted in such a comment! Shame on you!